A coworker recommended this remarkable series on parenting, by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish: "How to talk so kids will listen & Listen so kids will talk", talking to kids so they learn, and sibling rivalry. WLS has audio version as well.

How to talk so kids will Listen & Listen so kids will talk

In each of the topics on

• helping children deal with their feelings
• engaging cooperation
• alternatives to punishment
• encouraging autonomy
• praise
• freeing children from playing roles

the authors illustrate with stories, summarize the strategies, and illustrate with cartoons, then detail and concrete practice exercises for the reader, and lastly show plenty of stories and comments from parents.

This is an amazingly effective and engaging book, organizing many common sense inter-personal skill development in the context of raising children.

How to talk so teens will listen-- and listen so teens will talk

This title, similar in structure and spirit to the earlier book, shows new illustration and cartoons the feelings and needs that goes on in teenagers' lives, as they deal with high school, peer pressure, and resistance to your commands.

A must read for practical advice on dealing with teens.

Siblings without rivalry : how to help your children live together so you can live too

This title grew out of the specific area of rivalry within the "How to talk so kids ...". A must-read for parents with multiple kids.  Again, the cartoon illustrations are great summaries for the book.

Great illustration and role-playing exercises for you to empathize with what goes on inside the mind of the rivaling child:

• imagine yourself in a polygamous situation to experience the rivalry
• feelings need to be out first: acknowledge their feelings instead of dismissing; give in fantasy what they can't have in reality (by expressing what the child might wish); channel their hostility into creative outlet (encourage expression); show better ways of expressing anger
• perils of comparison: instead, describe the problem, and what you see or feel
• Equal is less: they don't want equality, but uniqueness; give them time based on need.

Roles
Dont give your attention to the aggressor, attend to the injured party instead.

Instead of treating the child as a bully, the parent can help him see that he is capable of being civil, give a new view of their brother, or help him see his capacity for kindness.

No more victims:
Instead of treating the child as a victum, or let her see herself as a victim, show her how to stand up for herself, give the sibling a new view of their sister, or help  her see her potential strength.

No more problem children. 
Instead of focusing on their disabilities, focus on and encourage their abilities.

How to respond helpfully to kids who are Fighting:

Mildest level:

1. start by acknowledging their anger to each other
2. listen to each side with respect
3. show appreciation for the difficulty of the problem
4. express faith in their ability to work things out
5. leave the room.

When fighting heads toward hurting:

1. describe
2. establish limits
3. separate them

A battle over property:

• when parent hands down the final decision, neither side learns, but only feel incorrectly as win/lost.
• when a parent supports one side, but leaves the final decision up to the children to work things out, they learn to be kind to one another.

Only registered users can write comments.
Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 1.0 beta 2!